How Parents Should Manage Their Kids' Behavior
My name is Tommy and I'm 10 years old. I've been thinking a lot lately about how my parents try to manage my behavior and my little sister Sarah's behavior too. Some of the things they do seem to work pretty well, but other things...not so much! So I wanted to share my thoughts on what I think is the best way for parents to guide and discipline their kids.
The most important thing is that parents need to be consistent. It's really confusing and frustrating when sometimes they let me get away with stuff, but other times they punish me for the same thing. Like, one day my mom might yell at me for leaving my toys on the floor, but the next day she doesn't say anything about it. How am I supposed to know what's allowed and what's not allowed if the rules keep changing?
It's the same thing with rewards too. Sometimes I get a treat or allowance for cleaning my room, but other times I don't get anything even though I did exactly what they asked. If you're going to have a reward system, stick to it! Don't just randomly hand out rewards sometimes and then skip it other times.
Another big problem is when my parents tell me I can't do something but then they don't actually stop me from doing it or follow through with a consequence. Like when my dad told me I couldn't have any screen time until I finished my homework, but then he just let me go play video games anyway after I whined about it for a while. If you make a rule, you have to enforce it, otherwise kids aren't going to take you seriously.
That said, I also don't think it's fair when parents are WAY too strict about every little thing. It's good to have some rules and boundaries, but having a million rules and zero flexibility is just going to make kids miserable and want to rebel even more. Let kids be kids sometimes and stop micromanaging every single thing we do!
For example, my friend Jake's parents are crazy strict. They have rules about what TV shows he can watch, how long he's allowed to read for fun, how many grapes he's allowed for a snack...it's insane! And they punish him for the smallest things. One time Jake told me he got grounded for a week just for forgetting to make his bed one morning. That's totally excessive if you ask me. Unless it's something really serious, punishments shouldn't be that extreme.
My parents are generally pretty good about having reasonable rules and age-appropriate consequences. If I talk back rudely, I might get a warning first and then have to take a break in my room if I keep it up. Or if I procrastinate too much on my chores, they'll take away my electronics until I get them done. Stuff like that makes sense to me and feels fair.
What definitely doesn't work is when parents yell and scream all the time. I just tune it out after a while because it's just constant yelling, whether I'm doing something bad or not. It doesn't seem to matter to them if I actually did anything wrong or not, they just yell anyways. And let me tell you, all that yelling does NOT make me want to behave better! It just makes me get angry and defensive.
I think the best approach is for parents to be calm and use a normal voice when disciplining kids or getting on to us about something. When my dad speaks sternly but isn't screaming his head off, I actually listen to what he's saying instead of just waiting for the yelling to be over. And when my mom is patient and walks me through what I did wrong in a normal tone, I'm way more open to apologizing and making better choices next time.
Another big no-no is when parents try to punish or discourage behavior by saying really hurtful things. Stuff like calling kids \"bad,\" \"stupid,\" or saying they must be embarrassed of how they're acting. Those kinds of personal attacks are awful and can really damage a kid's self-esteem. Discipline should be about addressing the specific behavior, not tearing down the entire child as a person. My parents know that and they're good about criticizing my actions, not me as an individual.
What works best is when parents take the time to actually listen to a kid's perspective and have a discussion about it, rather than just immediately jumping to punishments. Like when I got in trouble for cheating on my math homework, instead of just grounding me right away, my mom sat me down and asked why I did it. I was able to explain that I was really struggling with the concepts and feeling frustrated. Instead of punishing me, she got me some extra help at school for the areas I was having trouble with. Having that conversation made me realize cheating wasn't the solution.
At the same time, parents do have to be willing to follow through with consequences when kids repeatedly misbehave or throw massive tantrums about something. Giving in and letting kids have their way after they argue and whine and throw a fit
just reinforces that kind of behavior. My parents are pretty good about being patient at first, but ultimately sticking to their rules if me or my sister refuses to listen.
What really frustrates me though is when parents punish kids for things that were total accidents or things that weren't their fault. One time I accidentally broke a vase because my sister knocked it over while we were playing. But instead of hearing me out, my dad instantly accused me of being careless and playing too rough, and grounded me for the whole weekend. That wasn't fair at all since it was just an honest accident! A good parent should be able to tell the difference between an intentional misbehavior and a legitimate mistake.
The last thing I want to mention is that I really appreciate when my parents remember to praise me and point out the good things I do, not just the bad. It's really motivating when they recognize times when I worked really hard on something, did something kind for someone else, or made a good choice in a difficult situation. When you're a kid, it's easy to feel like your parents only notice you when you mess up. Getting positive reinforcement from them makes me feel encouraged and want to keep doing my best.
Parenting clearly isn't easy, and managing kids' behavior is probably one of the toughest parts of the job! But from my perspective, the best approach is:
Be consistent with rules and consequences
Set reasonable expectations, not too strict but not too permissive either
Stay calm, listen to your child's perspective, and criticize behavior not the child's character
Praise good behavior, not just punish bad behavior Make consequences logical and fair, not excessive Follow through on rules and don't give in to tantrums Distinguish between intentional misbehavior and accidents If parents can stick to guidelines like those, while also showing understanding and having age-appropriate
expectations, it creates an environment where kids will be much more motivated to make good choices. We're not angels by any means, but treating kids with respect makes us way more likely to respect our parents' rules and authority in return. Thanks for reading my thoughts! Even though I'm just a kid, I hope this gave
you some useful insights into effective parenting and behavior management.
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